kiss_evilgoodbye | beyond the rift } { public

I'm a vampire Slayer.

Two-thirds of my more intense relationships? Have been with vampires. Half, if you count Sam. Which ... I should probably do. Count Sam.

Anyway.

I lost my virginity to a vampire, after which he lost his soul and proceeded to come after all of my friends in a way of trying to destroy me. I'll admit, it kind of screwed me up. I was seventeen, and that kind of stuff when you're a teenager does damage.

I think part of the reason Riley never believed I loved him was because of what happened between me and Angel, and I hate that I did that to him. He was a really good guy and deserved better than that, and ... he's married now, so I guess he got it. And we're still friends so ... I guess that counts for something.

Riley's just saved me in more ways than anyone will ever know, and I'm really glad that he's still in my life, willing to work with me when I need it.

But in the end ... I'm worried that it will always be Angel, and that we'll just wind up destroying each other.

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It doesn't have to be.

Me and my ex

Well she wasn't a vampire so maybe it wasn't so dramatic, but it was pretty bad in the end. I missed her for a long time and I think part of me still does, but it wasn't good. Now I think I can find love like that again, but that it will be good. Not painful.

I hope so at least. I want it to be so.

I keep hoping for it. I do. But ... I've got a pretty screwed up life, so the chances of a nice, normal boy wanting to stick with it are slim.

But there is a boy. A nice boy. Not so normal, but ... normal enough.

About as slim as someone wanting to get involved with a single father.

So there's hope. Go with the hope.

I'm doing my best.

That's the best you can do.

I guess so.

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